Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Change needed

Change needed

Have you ever had that moment in your life where something really embarrassing your bad happen to you and you need to use that as a catalyst for change?

Well it happened to me in New York I am a huge roller coaster fan as many people may or may not know however the legendary cyclone at Coney Island was a coaster I knew I had to challenge. After all it was featured in many movies. It has been around for decades. And coney is a famous landmark not just in NYC but in our country.

My daughter and I jumped on the red coaster and when they tried to bolt me in they couldn’t close the safety latch because my belly was too big. One time they did but I couldn’t move comfortably and breathe. They had to let me out and ask me to leave he ride. This not only humiliated me but devastated my daughter. She cried over the experience and I was heart broken. I mean it sucked not to be able to ride the cyclone but seeing my daughters reaction to what happened crushed me.

When I left the hospital in 2016 I was put on an antipsychotic called seraquel. It really had no affect on me and I felt it made me tired and more psychotic and heavier. I weighed in at 188 when I got there. Today I’m give or take 245 pounds. Not only did the medication blow me up but I started not caring about what I ate because I was dealing with many after effects of my break. Sometimes I would eat so much in a day I wish it would have killed me. I couldn’t take the craziness inside my head. I would eat to self medicate and admittedly been doing so since.

When I started dbt I thought I should change my eating habits. Did a little bit here and there. Excercised three times a month. But no real effort obviously.

This incident at coney changed me as I have made a vow of no chocolate or bread and fried crap. Now I have to figure out a fitness plan. Which I will do. I lost weight before. I can do it again. And this time without the help of meds because I truly believe that is why I weighed as little as I did.

I really have been binge eating over the last year becAuse I have been unhappy with many situations in my life. It’s time to use the DBT to accept my role in said situations and turn the corner.

I had a breakdown in 16. I overcame and I am here today.

I created a plethora of money problems due to illness and I have rebounded from most of those in 17.

In 18 it will be my weight that I conquer.

Trust the process


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