Tuesday, February 13, 2018

The Aftermath

So what do you when your feelings go out of control you’re not taking the right care of yourself and things go wrong because of the trigger?
Usually you use your skills and try to avoid the inevitable an episode.
To me the worst about of an episode isn’t what goes on during its what happens after.
The guilt the shame and the reaction of people who got caught in the crossfire is too much to bare. At least it is for me. I am afraid that everyone is scared of me or just annoyed with me thinking I’m being a narcissistic thug and not giving a shit about anyone’s else feelings but my own.

As a person with mental illness I crave one thing peace. It would be the thing that balances everything out. Stability would be the best friend I have been searching for for years. I keep trying to crack the code of a psychotic episode by going back to the before because the during and after I can’t change it. When you see red and start discosiating it becomes terrifying because you don’t know what you can or will do.
Last night I grounded and grounded and grounded again until I felt ok. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2017/04/did-and-dbt-use-distress-tolerance-skills-for-dissociation is a site that was very helpful</a>. I guess it may be the best way to battle an episode. Sometimes I play a game on my phone to help bring me back to the here and now.

Nevertheless the after is the hardest thing. The depression I feel after is insurmountable. Good thing I working on DBT skills. Because this will be the topic tomorrow.
Don’t lose your way #trusttheprocess

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