Hi everyone. Hope you are doing good.
Yes we are at a bit of a stalemate with episode 4. I have not published it yet. There are things I am waiting for and there are things I am contemplating. So I wanted to tell you what's on my mind and wanted some feedback. Once I write this I will make a final decision in the next 24 hours on what I am going to do with this.
The first is I am waiting for someone to give me authorization to use 11 minutes of audio from them because I believe it is very beneficial to those with BPD as this episode deals with favorite person. So that is my professional reason I guess.
The second is I am very nervous to let this part of me out. I had to dig in deep to my soul and find the worst parts to find the obsession, the controlling nature, the beast if you will. I have had so much trouble with my favorite person and it has cost us both dearly. It is very triggering and it was a very difficult episode to do. I created some audio theatre that was deeply triggering probably not just for me, but many people who have experience with this from both sides.
I believe the episode will serve the purpose of teaching what a borderline episode and/or what a troubled abusive relationship can look like. This is beneficial but I also feel like this will trigger victims of DV and if that happens, my mission may be lost. I am not here to trigger people into their trauma or things like that. However I want people to really understand what goes on in the mind of someone with BPD. I am relating my experience as that person and I am not speaking for anyone else. I do feel someone will hear it and think yeah I do that. They can use it as a road map to recovery. As GI Joe said knowing is half the battle.
It is a very dark episode and I am thinking about how can I turn it into a positive. If I cannot do that, episode 4 will be available only upon request. I cannot publish something that I feel might do harm. It has to have a happy ending. Happy endings give hope and provide inspiration to those fighting. I am 110 percent about that.
So that's where I am, I will make a statement tomorrow about this. I am sleeping on it tonight. The episode will post on Monday if I decide to. If not, I will start working on episode 5 and make this an episode upon request.
Thanks for your understanding and if you have any questions please let me know.