Saturday, January 21, 2023


 Hi everyone.  Hope you are doing good.

Yes we are at a bit of a stalemate with episode 4.  I have not published it yet.  There are things I am waiting for and there are things I am contemplating.  So I wanted to tell you what's on my mind and wanted some feedback.  Once I write this I will make a final decision in the next 24 hours on what I am going to do with this.

The first is I am waiting for someone to give me authorization to use 11 minutes of audio from them because I believe it is very beneficial to those with BPD as this episode deals with favorite person.  So that is my professional reason I guess.

The second is I am very nervous to let this part of me out.  I had to dig in deep to my soul and find the worst parts to find the obsession, the controlling nature, the beast if you will.  I have had so much trouble with my favorite person and it has cost us both dearly.  It is very triggering and it was a very difficult episode to do.  I created some audio theatre that was deeply triggering probably not just for me, but many people who have experience with this from both sides.

I believe the episode will serve the purpose of teaching what a borderline episode and/or what a troubled abusive relationship can look like.  This is beneficial but I also feel like this will trigger victims of DV and if that happens, my mission may be lost.  I am not here to trigger people into their trauma or things like that.  However I want people to really understand what goes on in the mind of someone with BPD.  I am relating my experience as that person and I am not speaking for anyone else.  I do feel someone will hear it and think yeah I do that.  They can use it as a road map to recovery. As GI Joe said knowing is half the battle.

It is a very dark episode and I am thinking about how can I turn it into a positive.  If I cannot do that, episode 4 will be available only upon request.  I cannot publish something that I feel might do harm.  It has to have a happy ending.  Happy endings give hope and provide inspiration to those fighting.  I am 110 percent about that.

So that's where I am, I will make a statement tomorrow about this.  I am sleeping on it tonight.  The episode will post on Monday if I decide to.  If not, I will start working on episode 5 and make this an episode upon request.

Thanks for your understanding and if you have any questions please let me know.


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